As I was wishing my aunt and uncle a Happy (30th) Anniversary yesterday, I suddenly got very reflective. 30 years ago. 30 years ago. 30 years ago on July 18 my family's life changed forever...in an instant! We suffered a devastating house fire and lost everything! I was only 8 years old at the time, but will forever remember that day. Our lives, our destinies shifted in that instant. My dreams of growing up and becoming a ballerina, flight attendant or most immediately joining the Butler B-B's 4-H were shattered. What did the future hold now? None of us knew...and I don't think any of us could think that far ahead.
It was also my best friend's birthday that day and I remember not having any clothes to wear...and having to borrow some of her clothes. It felt strange wearing her clothes, as if I was wearing a temporary wrapper of some sort of mistaken identity or wearing a costume, if you will. Or maybe I was just in complete shock! And, I remember being at her party where no one knew what to say. It was the quietest birthday party I've ever been to.
But a few weeks later, I was the flower girl in my aunt's wedding and my mom was a bridesmaid. So, when I sent my wishes on Facebook yesterday it all came flooding back. That day, our lives, what could have been, what is now, how life changed so drastically for us and how we all had new destinies to fulfill. Many years ago I learned the reason "why" in my own mind and heart, as with any tragic situation you instantly wonder "why?!" But, over the years I've also realized that we all (each one of my family members) was meant for something different...different from what we knew back then and what we dreamed was possible...we were all here for another purpose, each one of us...a different path. But, I asked my mom the other day if she could still see herself and my dad living there...as if nothing had happened...would they still be there and we'd all be coming back to the farm for visits. She said "yes"...she would have never left that place or that house! It was a great house...built by my grandfather and where my dad and his siblings grew up. They lost their childhood memories in that fire, too. It's moments like these where I reflect back on my life, can see where I've been, what I've accomplished...but also wonder "what if"...life would be so much different "if." I'm not even sure if it feels like 30 years ago or not. But, it leaves me with a sense of gratitude, amazement and hope.
There's more about this tragic day in my book, so if you're curious to hear more details you'll be able to read about it very soon! Perhaps this time next month! So, to 30 more years of life, love and reflection!
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