Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Welcome to the Neighborhood!

2 weeks after I moved into my current house, I was sitting on a conference call at 8 pm.  I was managing events in Asia at the time, hence the late night call with a country 13 hours ahead.  Since I was new to the neighborhood, I just did what everyone else did and that meant putting my trash bins out the night before trash pick-up day.  However, that evening a major thunderstorm rolled through and the rains were coming down sideways as the wind howled.  So, as I sat on my conference call looking out my front window (because I hadn't installed a blind in my office window yet), I saw my recycling trash bin tip over and all my trash fly down the street!  The first thing I thought was "Oh no!  I don't want my neighbors waking up to all my trash on their lawn!"  I wanted to make a good impression.  So, what does any sane person do?  Oh yes...I ran straight out into the pouring rain with no coat or umbrella, sat the trash bin upright and ran down the street a few yards chasing after my trash.  Talk about making an impression!  All of a sudden I thought, "What are you doing?  What if someone is looking out their window at you running down the street chasing after trash in the pouring rain!"  Helllloooo, crazy neighbor!  Nice impression!

It's moments like those that I wonder, is making a good impression or caring what people think part of my Korean culture or my American culture?  Being respectful of other people and their property would seem to be an Asian thing, but caring about what people think seems to be a more American thing.  So, maybe it's both.  But, throughout the years there are moments where I've stopped and paused and wondered where that trait or condition came from....my heritage, my genes or my upbringing, my environment?  It's the nature vs. nurture question.  (I'll write more about that at a later time.)  I think all adoptees at one time or another have pondered that question.  I've realized over the years that my stubbornness comes from the Korean culture...oh yes!  So, sometimes you can figure it out and other times I think it's a little bit of both.

And by-the-way, the conference call was still going on when I walked back into the house completely drenched.  They had no idea what kind of great impression I was trying to make in my new neighborhood as they discussed future plans.  Just trying to be neighborly...in a crazy kind of way!

Sunday, January 27, 2013

My 1st Book....coming this year!!!!

I'm publishing my 1st book this year!  What?!  I'm not an author.  I never set out to be an author, but come mid-year I'll have my first book out there...in public...for everyone to see...and BUY!!  Wow!  I don't think I'll truly believe it until I'm actually holding a copy in my hands. 

Three years ago I had some time on my hands and thought I would just see how many stories I could write about....stories about being adopted.  They are stories about growing up and being adopted and/or growing up Asian and/or growing up as a Korean adoptee...but from a light-hearted and more humorous perspective.  I've grown up with many ironies in my life and also wondering why everyday life experiences or stages in my life are any different just because I'm adopted or Asian or a Korean adoptee.  So, the book is about those experiences.  I believe we all go through similar things growing up, but I wanted to share those experiences through Korean adopted eyes.  I can be sarcastic at times, but overall I hope it gives other adoptees a sense of familiarity and hope.  And, I hope it gives non-adoptees a sense of understanding and appreciation of what adoptees go through.  One of the biggest things to understand for both adoptees and non-adoptees is that all adoptions and all adoptee situations are different.   There are soooooo many variables in every adoptees' situation that there is no one cookie cutter mold to follow.  It is different for everyone.  But, there are some commonalities that we can share, understand, process and appreciate together. 

My book is not like any other adoption book out there because it's not drama-filled or analyzing adoptees or their family lives.  It's a real look at every day situations and how I've approached them, been surprised by them or perhaps even judged people's ignorance towards adoption.  A lot of adoption books are about an adoptee's journey to find his/her birth parents and the trauma it can cause.  The anguish, the unknown, the fear of rejection and abandonment are all things an adoptee has to be fully and completely mentally prepared for when venturing down that path.  We all have our own journeys of self-discovery and things that may need to be resolved in our lives, but that happens in our own time and in our own ways.  No one else can tell us when or how.  It's for each individual to decide what's best for them.

So, as I look forward to going through the publishing process for the first time my hope is that I can inspire or give hope to one adoptee out there that they are not alone...or to one set of adoptive parents that have been contemplating adoption but weren't completely sure if they wanted to do it or not...or to a parent who has given their child up for adoption for whatever reason that they receive some hope that they did the right thing...or to those non-adoptees who can for a brief moment walk in someone elses shoes and have a sense of realization and appreciation. 

Make sure you come back often to hear updates on the book and when you can get your hands on one, or two, or three!  :-)  Remember, we can be the change we want to see in the world.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

It's all in the Name

My family and I were recently debating (throwing out) names for my sister's unborn baby girl....back and forth, back and forth.  "No, I don't like that name." "Maybe." No, that sounds like...."  "Do you even know how to spell that?" It was a fun exchange that my little nephews (7 years old and 5 years old) were listening to.  I finally said to my sister, "What t.v. characters do you like because you were named after one?"  My mom named her after one of the girls on The Waltons.  So, of course the following were thrown out...Bo and Luke Duke, Bubba, Princess Leia...nothing really realistic.  Finally, my nephew (7) chimes in "Isn't it her (my sister's) decision?"  Right on, little man! 

Naming your child is a big decision and an enduring statement that they carry the rest of their lives.  There are definitely some unique ones out there...but, then again aren't we all unique in some way shape or form? 

Ever since I realized how Asian the name 'Kim' really was, I've always wished my name were something different.  Something less obvious...yes, less Asian...probably because I didn't know much about my culture or what the history of the name was in the Asian culture.  I wanted a more American name...but, Kimberly is actually a very common American name.  It just-so-happens I go by Kim.  Really, it couldn't be more Asian, right?  But, anyone who sees my name first (perhaps in email) before meeting me or seeing a picture of me would most likely imagine me as a blonde-haired, blue-eyed American girl...Kim, ok American...Fenneman, ok, German.  There's no Asian inclination just in my name, not really. 

So, although we may have great debates about naming a new baby...names can be deceiving.  Just as the saying goes, "Don't judge a book by it's cover"...or it's name!

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Starting Anew

If you've had the news on today there's probably been some inauguration coverage and the start of President Obama's second term.  Whatever your politics, today and tomorrow's ceremonies are about starting anew...either for the first time or second time around (in the case of a presidential term).  But, as a Christian I get to start anew over and over again because of God's salvation and sacrifice for me.  Every January, we all think about the new year and some of us make resolutions and some of us don't.  It's a new year...a new beginning...a fresh start...a chance to get it right.  It's that time of year when those thoughts are more prevalent.

But, this inauguration...this president reminds me that 4 years ago history was made when an African-American took the oath of office.  Who thought that could be possible in the 21st century more less in the past several decades.  It was unfathomable.  And who knew years ago as an orphaned infant where I would end up?  I certainly didn't.  How is it possible that a couple across the ocean picked me simply from a picture.  How is it that all the paperwork, waiting, processes and legalities that I would end up on a dairy farm?!  Who would have thought I would be where I am today...because none of us know where our path is going to lead us or what history-breaking or 'firsts' are in our future...but it's the hope and glimmer of possibility that moves us forward.  Some may have more than others at certain times in their lives, but hope drives us to be more, do more, want more! 

So for me this year, I am starting anew...a new perspective on my blessed life, a new appreciation for what I HAVE not what I DON'T HAVE, for being grateful for my healthy and able body, for knowing I am exactly where I'm suppose to be in my life right now, for my growing trust and faith in God's will in my life and for embracing life and living it to the fullest!  Life is too short...it truly is, so what am I waiting for...what are you waiting for?  It's never too late to start anew! 

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Check the Box

Filling out paperwork, whether it's for a job application, medical information, or whatever, they ask what race you are and it usually lists Asian (Not Hispanic or Latino) or Asian (Pacific Islander, Japanese, Chinese, Korean, etc.).  I always thought it was a little odd and in the past it was probably that simple....BUT, with our growing minority population in the past several years and the growing acceptance of bi-racial couples and families it seems that is won't be soooo 'black and white' per se in the future.  So, what will the choices be?  How will we distinguish or classify ourselves in the future?  New categories?  But, how many?  There could be infinite combinations! 

But, that's what we do...classify ourselves...separate ourselves...instead of seeing each other as the same...human beings.  If we could just remember to see one another as another human being and not poor, rich, obese, anorexic, millionaire, homeless, gay, straight, this or that then we could all enjoy our commonalities instead of our differences.  We could collaborate, compromise and work together (Congress!) more often, and we could solve soooo many of our societal and worldly problems.  But, it's the differences we focus on, obsess over and spew hate from.  Why can't we see differences as a good thing?  Differences drives our innovation, our ability to learn and grow and keeps the human race evolving.  But, we use it to tear one another down, to make people choose a side or 'classification' that further divides us. 

Asian...check.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

What Adoption Means to Me

So, what does adoption mean to me?  Well, as I mentioned before I always knew I was adopted...I just didn't really know what that meant until I got older.  I just thought it meant I was "special"...mainly because I garnered so much attention from my extended family (cousins, aunts and uncles).  I was the youngest cousin for a long time (until my younger sister and brother, the twins, were born when I was 6) and you have to admit Asian babies are pretty cute!  So, I definitely got spoiled with love and attention.

I'm not exactly sure when I actually realized what adoption really meant or how I was different from the rest of my family, so I guess it was a gradual process of understanding for me...or quite simply when I was blatantly called out for being different from my family.  But, that didn't really happen until I moved to Texas (that I can recall).  There weren't a lot of groups or associations where we lived growing up, so there really wasn't that support system or camaraderie built among similiar families near us.  I do remember going to one function with other kids who looked like me when I was very young and thought "Wow, there are other kids that look like me out there."  I really hadn't thought of it before, but it was nice to see.  Other than that, there weren't any camps or language classes that I attended that were either for Korean adoptees or adoptees in general growing up.  I wasn't exposed to the culture, really, until we moved to Texas...and that's not necessarily a good or bad thing.  I'll share my thoughts on that at a later time.

Adoption encompasses so much and can mean slightly different things to different people (depending on where and how you grew up...your environment).  In general, I think adoption means two loving and open-minded parents extending their hearts, home and happiness to a child that truly needs it.  There are always different and unique circumstances behind that statement and again, the environment (nature vs. nurture), that is a huge variable that makes every adoption different. 

For me, adoption means growing up in a loving and supportive family, extended family and community that embraces me whole-heartedly.  I never knew I was 'different' growing up because no one treated me any differently than any other kid there.  So, for me growing up in that environment shaped my whole outlook and perception on adoption.  Not every adoptee has that experience so I feel extremely lucky and blessed for that.  Adoption also means that a very brave and loving individual (my birth mother) made the heartbreaking decision to give me up in the hopes of a better life.  And, that God had a plan for my life that led me to my parents who have loved, cared for and protected me my entire life.  Overall, I truly think that adoption means LOVE.  Love from a birth parent(s) that loved me enough to let me go and love from my adoptive parents to welcome me with open arms.  It's that simple...but, can also be very complicated for a lot of families. 

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Legacy of an Adopted Child

What does being adopted mean to me?  I'll share my thoughts on that next time, so make sure you sign up to follow me!  It's simple...just add your email address where it asks on the right side of the blog.

In the meantime, here's a poem that I think sums it up nicely.

Legacy of an Adopted Child
(Author Unknown)
 
Once there were two women, one you do not remember,
The other you call mother.  Two different lives shaped to make yours one.
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
The first gave you life, and the second taught you to live in it.
The first gave you a need for love and the second was there to give it.
One gave you the seed of talent, the other gave you the aim.
One gave you nationality, the other gave you a name.
One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears.
One gave you up – it was all she could do.
The other prayed for a child, and God led her straight to you.
And now ask me through your tears, the age old questions through the years;
Heredity or environment – which are you the product of?
Neither, my child, just two different types of love.


Sunday, January 6, 2013

An Open Door for Diversity

Midway through my middle school days, we moved to our 3rd house (since moving to Texas).  It would be the house that I remember the most and probably have the most fond memories from because it included the end of middle school (and in 8th grade you're "kings" of the school so that was a great year) and my whole high school career.  It was also the house that I moved out of and into my college dorm my freshman year.  So, I definitely consider that house "home"....at least my Texas home.  Our house in Iowa on the farm will always be HOME to me, though.

With 4 kids in the house (my older brother, myself and a younger sister and brother), there was always something going on...usually sports.  My older brother played basketball; my younger sister played soccer and took dance lessons; my younger brother played soccer, baseball and basketball; and I took dance lessons.  And that's probably just a short list of all the activities we all had going on.  So needless-to-say, my parents were full-time taxi cab drivers for several years until I got my license.  Then I got to help out and cart my little sister and brother around to their activities, too.  Since my older brother played basketball it was common for his basketball friends to come over often.  Obviously they were all tall (mostly 6'5" and 6'7") and a few of them were African American who became really great friends of the family, as well.  And since my little brother played soccer, he had a lot of Hispanic friends that would come over and play pick-up games in front of the house.  And then there was me coming in and out of the house on a daily basis.  One day a neighbor (who was African American) across the street made a comment to my dad that our house was the most diverse house he had ever seen.  He had never seen so many different ethnicity's coming and going from a house than ours.  It was something none of us had really thought about...we were just doing what we were doing.  But, it was a good lesson learned in how open and accepting each of us kids were in whatever we were doing to not see the color beside us, but to see the person.  That acceptance comes from where we grew up (in Iowa and the people around us), but also from our parents. 

I never met that neighbor, but I always remember his comment and how profound it was.  Also because several months later someone had spray painted derogatory phrases on his garage door just because of his color.  Shameful and sad. 

But, in our household...no matter where that may be...I'm just one in the mix.  A mix of loud opinions (now that we're all adults) and a mix of colorful people and flavors! 

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

New Year...New Possibilities

Happy 2013 to you!  I hope the new year has started off well for you and your families.  It's a new year full of new possibilities!  Who knows what the new year will bring, but I think we all have a glimmer of hope at this time of year that we'll meet all of our new year's resolutions or that our lives will be enhanced in some way shape or form throughout the year.  I definitely hope that for myself!

Now that the new year is upon us I'll get back to a little bit of my background and share recent stories about my everyday life that I find humor or irony in due to being Asian and/or adopted.  So, to pick back up where I left off before the holidays...after being adopted, I grew up in a small farming community in northeastern Iowa where I was totally accepted in the community.  I never felt any different than any other kids growing up there and I have life-long friends from that small town that I treasure dearly.  I also grew up around a large and loving extended family of cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents who taught me about using my imagination, an appreciation for food and cooking, a curiosity for craft making and about pure acceptance!  For me, that was my 'normal'....growing up in small town USA like many of you.  I didn't really know I was the only Asian around or that I was different in the eyes of many outside of my small-knit community.  I didn't realize that until we moved to the suburbs of Dallas, TX.

A new environment, a new culture, new people, new traditions...the list of "new" things went on and on and on.  My first fire ant bite that led me to break out in hives all over our first summer there.  My first car accident with my mom going to the grocery store a few months after we moved there.  My first bout of mononucleosis during our first Christmas.  And, our first home burglary during our first Christmas in Texas, as well.  Needless-to-say, our first year in a new place was a challenging one.  But, as I recently looked back at pictures from that time we all seemed happy with what we had (which wasn't much) and made the best of any and all situations that came our way.  We were all learning to adjust to our new environment together...and that's all that mattered...we were together as a family.  And, I think the strength and camaraderie of our families back home in Iowa gave us the strength and courage to persevere...to just keep going.

So, no matter what trials and tribulations the new year throws at you, I hope you are surrounded by loved ones that will encourage you to just keep going!  Yes, it's a new year...and yes, there will be ups and downs...but, it's that foundation that we've built that allows us to stand back up on stable ground.  It's never too late to start anew!  So, here's wishing you a new year of unlimited possibilities!  Cheers!