Wednesday, July 31, 2013

30 Years Ago...

As I was wishing my aunt and uncle a Happy (30th) Anniversary yesterday, I suddenly got very reflective.  30 years ago.  30 years ago.  30 years ago on July 18 my family's life changed forever...in an instant!  We suffered a devastating house fire and lost everything!  I was only 8 years old at the time, but will forever remember that day.  Our lives, our destinies shifted in that instant.  My dreams of growing up and becoming a ballerina, flight attendant or most immediately joining the Butler B-B's 4-H were shattered.  What did the future hold now?  None of us knew...and I don't think any of us could think that far ahead.

It was also my best friend's birthday that day and I remember not having any clothes to wear...and having to borrow some of her clothes.  It felt strange wearing her clothes, as if I was wearing a temporary wrapper of some sort of mistaken identity or wearing a costume, if you will.  Or maybe I was just in complete shock!  And, I remember being at her party where no one knew what to say.  It was the quietest birthday party I've ever been to.

But a few weeks later, I was the flower girl in my aunt's wedding and my mom was a bridesmaid.  So, when I sent my wishes on Facebook yesterday it all came flooding back.  That day, our lives, what could have been, what is now, how life changed so drastically for us and how we all had new destinies to fulfill.  Many years ago I learned the reason "why" in my own mind and heart, as with any tragic situation you instantly wonder "why?!"  But, over the years I've also realized that we all (each one of my family members) was meant for something different...different from what we knew back then and what we dreamed was possible...we were all here for another purpose, each one of us...a different path.  But, I asked my mom the other day if she could still see herself and my dad living there...as if nothing had happened...would they still be there and we'd all be coming back to the farm for visits.  She said "yes"...she would have never left that place or that house!  It was a great house...built by my grandfather and where my dad and his siblings grew up.  They lost their childhood memories in that fire, too.  It's moments like these where I reflect back on my life, can see where I've been, what I've accomplished...but also wonder "what if"...life would be so much different "if."  I'm not even sure if it feels like 30 years ago or not.  But, it leaves me with a sense of gratitude, amazement and hope.

There's more about this tragic day in my book, so if you're curious to hear more details you'll be able to read about it very soon!  Perhaps this time next month!  So, to 30 more years of life, love and reflection!

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Final Proof Done!

I finished editing my final proof of my book today!  I did it in one shot...read it all the way through!  And, it flowed nicely...love that!  The final "here it is...ready to go" moment...what I've been so focused on for three years now, the content.  Just the stories and how they sound and making sure I say it the way I want to, and constantly updating, editing and tweaking sentences, words and phrases.  As I said before in a previous post, authors, artists, musicians, creators of any kind have to know when to stop...when to say it's finished...when to say it's ready to go out into the world.  This is that moment for me, at least from a content perspective.  I still have to finalize the book cover, hopefully this week!  But the meat of it, the guts, every ounce of my being, my story...it's all there ready to share with you!

I have also reconciled in my head and heart, so far, what happens when I put my story out there and there's negative reaction or some criticism from some (because we know there will always be critics out there).  How will I react?  How will I deal with it?  Will I care?  Will I care too much?  But, I remembered this morning that's when I'll lean on those closest to me...my support system...those that ground me.  Those true friends who will just be there to listen if I need them to or my family who will be there if I need a shoulder to cry on.  I'm hoping that doesn't happen (often, at least), but I want to be prepared for it if it does.  Reality.

But, in the meantime it's full speed ahead...and literally full speed ahead as it's ALL happening NOW!  So, get ready because the time is almost here!  Hooray!

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Decisions...One Step Closer!

We're getting down to the "home stretch"....of decisions that have to be made for the book!  So, I made a fairly big one yesterday (or at least in my mind)...I decided on the headshot to use for the back cover of my book!  I'm not sure how I narrowed it down from 100 pictures to just THAT one, but I did!  Check!  One decision down...several more to go! 

The final proof of the book arrives tomorrow!  Guess what I'll be doing this weekend?  Final time to read through it all before it goes to print!  One more round of edits.  This is it!  But, after the last round of edits I felt really good at where it was at and that it was really close to being final.  But, now is the time!

One major decision yet to make is the book cover...yes, still working on that one.  But, I think we're close.  We have to be!  It's what I'll be holding up, promoting and advertising everywhere I go for the foreseeable future, at least! 

And, a couple more promotional/marketing decisions to make...then, I'm ready to go!  Are you ready?  To buy, buy, buy!!!  What if just family and friends buy?  I'd be OK with that.  But, I'd really like to make a difference...even if it's just one person...one adoptee, one adoptive parent, one person considering adoption.  I just want to know I've contributed to the world in some small way and it was worth it.  That's what all these "little" decisions ultimately mean to me...sharing, giving back, making a difference!  Thanks for being part of my journey!

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Headshots Made!

I got my headshots made for the back cover of my book today!  Another step closer!  I was actually a bit nervous about getting my headshots made.  I'm not quite sure why...it's just a measly little pic anyways, right?  Maybe it's because I really haven't had my picture taken, taken like this since my high school graduation picture.  So, it's been awhile...I guess I thought there wouldn't be any good ones or I'd take some bad pics.  Or maybe it was because of all weeks I would have to break out on my face this week....adding to the stress I had already put on myself to take a good pic for the back cover!  Something that everyone will see...no pressure, right?!  Ha!

But, it went great!  I got my hair done at the blow-out salon this morning, did my make-up (which actually seemed like a ton since I don't normally wear a lot of make-up, plus I was trying to cover up every little flaw) and pulled a couple tops to change into.  Met the photographer for the first time (a friend of a friend) and smiled away!  He got a lot of great shots and it's actually a little overwhelming and funny to me to look at a page of pictures of just me!  Holy moly...that's a lot of me to look at!  Ha!

Now, how do I narrow this down?  More decisions to make.  Oh man, this is going to be hard...or is it just the realization that it's one more decision closer to actually being done with the book (edits, book cover design, back cover, headshot, etc) and then it goes to print!  Print!  Yikes!  Hoorah!  Hoorah!  Gulp!

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Do I Know You?

Occasionally, another Asian that I don't know will come up and either start talking to me or wave and say "hi", as if they know me.  It happened again yesterday at the gym as I was working out.  I was on the treadmill and as I was wiping the sweat from my forehead an Asian girl walked by waving and said "hi".  I didn't initially notice she was Asian until I moved the towel from my face and she was already half passed me by then.  And, although I said "hi" I realized I didn't know who she was or even recognize her from my daily workouts.  Did she think I was someone else?  Did she just say "hi" because I was Asian?  I never know!

There are actually a couple of other Asian ladies that work out regularly that I see daily at the gym, but I've never talked to them.  We all keep to ourselves.  Isn't that what Asians do?  Well, this one does...for the most part! 

I once had an Asian man come up to me in Target one day and ask me where something was in the store...but he asked me in Chinese or Korean or Japanese...your guess is as good as mine!  I told him I couldn't understand him and his view of me as being someone familiar or "the same" shifted to looking at me like I was an alien.  Oh geez!  What do you do?

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Day of Worship

Some Sundays I'm up and about early enough to go to early service (9:30 am) and other Sundays I take my time and get to the late service (11 am).  I always sit in the same spot at church, like all creatures of habit, we have our "spot" or area of the church we all normally sit in.  So, when I attend early service, as I did today, I sit in the same pew with an older Korean couple.  They are probably in their early 70's, I would guess.  Always very quiet...with the exception of when the older gentlemen casually falls asleep and he snores a little.  The older woman comes just about every Sunday, but the gentlemen (I think depending on his health) comes every so often. 

I have briefly thought in the past what a coincidence it is that the few Asians, Koreans even, in this congregation are sitting next to each other.  It would make sense from other parishioners just casually observing that the Asians in the congregation would tend to stick with one another.  But, for many years I never spoke to the couple...just the customary "hello" every Sunday.  However, several months ago as the older woman was passing by me to sit down, she asked me if I was Korean.  I told her "yes."  Apparently, that was all she wanted to know of me.  She hasn't asked me any other questions since or looked to be very interested in getting to know me any more than that.  Does she sense something about me is different or is she truly not interested in getting to know me?  I have no idea.

But, today as I sat in the pew beside them I looked over a couple of times to view their features, how they've aged, and really wondered how they ended up in this primarily all white church.  There are many different ethnicities represented at my church, but the majority is white.  Again, that's "my normal" but since they are older I would assume more inclined to attend a Korean church...which there are many around...so I've been told.  And assuming that most older Koreans are very traditional about their culture...and religion...I wondered when/how they came upon this church as their own.  I pondered this question for most of the service today.  I'll probably never know, but it just dawned on me today...even though I've been sitting next to them for years.  These are the times when I wish I knew a "wise old" Korean individual that I could ask these questions to and get a satisfactory answer from...and maybe one day I will!  Until then, blessings to you today and everyday!

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Authentic Asian Cuisine

"Can you recommend an authentic Asian restaurant around here?" a coworker asked me yesterday.  Who me?  Ummmm, sorry...that's really not my area of expertise.  Huh?  "I'm adopted.  I grew up eating meat and potatoes...and corn!" 

In the landscape of cubicles in my office, there's a little nook, if you will, away from all the chaos, rowdiness and loudness of everyone else where I sit with a few other regulars.  We have our quiet little area where we don't have to shout at each other and for the most part can hear ourselves think, which is rare in an open cube style set-up.  So, when my coworker asked for a recommendation on where to find the best Asian cuisine in the area I had to reveal why I couldn't...but at least I didn't have to shout it so she could hear me!  Plus, she probably would have found out next week anyways when I bring my oldest nephew to work for "Take your Kids to Work Day" seeing that he's blonde-haired, blue-eyed and pretty tall for his age.  Just the simple every day question that can trigger lots of questions and confusion. 

And by-the-way, we're both the fried rice kind of gals...traditional, easy and you know what's in it!  I have expanded my cuisine, though, through international travels and being willing to try anything once.  And, I've finally gotten more into sushi this year...after having someone who knows what they're ordering show me what's good!  Yum!

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Lazy Daze of Summer....

As I look ahead at the month of July there's not much going on...just one hot summer day after another.  Summer days in Texas can be unbearable due to the heat and those long days of summer can put you into a heat daze that lasts usually until early October.  It's going to be hot, hot, hot...and I'm not looking forward to it!

However, I do have something to keep me busy and look forward to...my book!  I'm wrapping up my second proof this week and then onto the FINAL proof!  The last edit, the final one....oh my!  This is it!  There's still so much to do!  So, I need to slow my brain down and remember to keep taking it one step at a time!  Just enjoy each step of the way and take it all in. 

So although the heat of the summer may literally put me in a daze some days, I could be holding my first book by the end of the summer!  Now that's "hot" in a good way!  Stay cool out there!

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Happy Independence Day!

Happy 4th of July...a day early!  Just like most holidays these days there's a lot of commercialization involved in our celebrations.  But, what's the day really about?  Our independence...our freedom!  And I can't help but think of those two words when I hear about all the conflict around the world...in Egypt, in Syria, etc.  There are so many people fighting for their freedoms, their civil liberties...which we have here, but I think many of us take it for granted.  Most of us were born in this country and our freedoms were just a given, but for others the same age as us (whatever that may be) they are fighting to have the same freedoms that most of us have had since we were born....driving a car, voting, etc.  So, as you sit down at your picnics/BBQs and get ready to watch the fireworks, think about the freedom this country provides us everyday and how lucky we truly are.  Forgot about all the politics and pundits and the latest government regulations that you feel restrict your life in same way, and think about those fighting just to have their voices heard in countries around the world.  Think about their struggles, their restrictions, and their government regulations or dictatorships.  We have an amazing country and we're blessed to live in the United States of America!