Yes, my birthday is on Valentine's Day which means it's only a few days away...D-day!!! D-day...doomsday, downhill from here, depressing...these are all the things that have been running through my head the last several weeks, months leading up to my birthday. Why all the drama? I'm usually not so dramatic or depressed about my impending birthday, but this year hits a milestone...one of those years! And, it's the one that I've always had in the back of my head as the one that says "yes, you are old now." And now it's here! Eeek! How did I get here? How am I this age already?!
I now realize I took time and my 'youthful' age for granted over the past several years because they've flown by and now I'm here...at 'that' age! Gulp. Really? Already? Don't I have a few more years to go? What happened to this last year? Where did it go?
Yes, I'm not dealing well with this birthday and I know it'll come and go with no big fanfare, but I think at the core of it it just makes me think more about how much less time I have with my parents now. Now that I'm hitting this milestone, I know (hopefully) they only have another couple decades left which makes me want to rewind time and enjoy it more. It makes me want to spend as much time with them as I can building even more great memories with them. And it just makes me sad. I know several of my friends who have lost one parent or both already. I don't think I could deal with that. I can't imagine losing one of them. But, it's definitely crossed my mind more often these days. It makes me panic a little because I'm not married yet nor do I have kids and I definitely want them both around for that! I don't want them to miss out on those milestones in my life...and I know they don't want to either. And, I also know some of my friends that will never reach this milestone, so it makes me realize how lucky I really am. Their families won't get to celebrate with them or hold them or laugh with them again. Life is short and I know it's just a number, but I think it's bothering me so much because it's 'that' number. I know I'll be fine after it passing and with each subsequent year that comes along. It was just hitting this number that has me all freaked out.
So, I have a couple more days to get my head on straight about this...and I'll get there...and I'll be grateful and blessed for the day, celebrating with family and friends and yes, for the number! So, wish me luck as I deal with my impending b-day on v-day and I hope you enjoy the day, as well! Have a blessed week and thanks for continuing to follow my journey!
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