Learning to Forgive....

It's one of those "life lessons" we all have to learn at some point in our life and I'm still trying to learn this one....how to forgive.  I'm definitely better at forgiving others than I am myself.  I think we can all be harder on ourselves than anyone else and I definitely am.  Those thoughts of "It was my fault.  I don't deserve to be forgiven.  I'm not worthy of forgiveness." All those kinds of thoughts creep in.  So, how do we forgive ourselves?

Yesterday, my mom and I were out running around shopping as we typically do on the weekends, but this time we had my 2 year old niece with us, as well.  It was a beautiful, sunny day...finally, after all the rain we've had lately...and it was close to 90 degrees.  Late in the afternoon as we were driving back home, we had a slight accident.  No one was hurt, thankfully, but I was driving my parents' car and it got damaged.  I felt horrible.  If we had been in my car, as we normally are on the weekends, it would have been my car and my inconvenience to clean up, but now it's my parents and it's the last thing they need to deal with.  So, of course I felt bad and just wanted to rewind the clock.  But, my mom wasn't mad just a little shocked and my dad wasn't initially mad, but I'm not sure how he felt after he actually saw the damage.  No one yelled at anyone, it was all really, really calm.  My mom didn't blame me and told me that it could happen to anyone and not to beat myself up over it....but, that's easier said than done.  Although, I'm truly grateful for her reaction and her instant forgiveness...so, why can't I forgive myself?

I know the most important thing is that no one was hurt and because my niece was with us this time that's truly the most important thing.  She actually slept through the whole thing and had no idea of what had happened...go figure!  But this morning as I think about it over and over again all I can think about is how to 'punish' myself.  Last night, it was eating badly.  This morning is was with an intense workout.  How will I 'punish' myself this afternoon?  Maybe it's my way of forgiving myself, but I don't think it's the most healthy way and am I really forgiving myself or just trying to over-compensate in an extreme way?  Either way, I don't think it's the right way to forgive myself.  In some consciousness I know the right way is to just forgive myself and let it go, but my doubt or guilt or something else blocks total forgiveness for myself.  The non-compassionate voice towards myself (not others) is not as forgiving as it is towards others.  Why is that?  Why are we so hard on ourselves?  So, if this incident was another lessons in learning to forgive myself it's got me thinking about it, focused on it...the question is will I learn the lesson this time?  I can't answer that at the moment, but lets hope so.  I'm a work in progress and hopefully I'll learn the lesson this time and move on.

Here's hoping that whatever 'life lesson' you are facing today or in the week ahead, you realize it, embrace it and let it propel you forward in life...in your journey!  I pray that for you and for myself!!  Blessings to you today and in the life learning week ahead!!