Just found this NPR article, "Growing Up 'White,' Transracial Adoptee Learned to be Black" and a follow-up from Susan Soonkeum-Cox, Holt International's VP of Policy and External Affairs..."Transracial Adoption and Growing up White."
Very thought-provoking articles that I could spend a lot of time talking about. Check out my next post (on Sunday) to find out my perspective on this topic. And, let me know what you think!
Blessings to you this last week of January 2014!
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Hitting the Restart Button
January is always one of the most common times of the year to "hit the restart button" on new resolutions, promises made/broken, or just hitting replay on last year's resolutions. As I mentioned earlier in the month, I usually never make resolutions...and didn't again this year. Yes, there are new goals and things I want to get done this year, but I never really call them 'resolutions'. And, like everyone after the bountiful holidays I'm on the health kick to lose those holiday pounds! But, like everyone we always have the intent to start off the new year on the 'right' foot...starting January 1st!
Or you may be like me this year and it's taken 4 weeks to really get my act together! Part of that is because of family stresses...critical health situations, struggles, etc...for other family members, so the year got off to a really rough start. And as always, it's takes a good week to come down from all the holiday madness and then ramping yourself back up for work/school, etc. again. So, this is me "hitting the restart button" to the new year! Happy New, New Year!! Again!
I'm ready to kick-off the new year and see where it leads me...from new opportunities with the book, meeting new people and hearing their stories, to putting a priority on the current lack of a love life (yes, yes, those who know me best are cheering right now), to trying new things every week/every month to broaden my knowledge/view/scope on life. The time is now! It's the present, current moment to seize and make new, make mine, and serve others. It's the promise of a new year!
So, if the 'new year' excitement has worn off for you already...let this be a relaunch, a call to arms (so-to-speak), and a restart to your new year and mine!! Blessings to you in THIS new year!!!
Or you may be like me this year and it's taken 4 weeks to really get my act together! Part of that is because of family stresses...critical health situations, struggles, etc...for other family members, so the year got off to a really rough start. And as always, it's takes a good week to come down from all the holiday madness and then ramping yourself back up for work/school, etc. again. So, this is me "hitting the restart button" to the new year! Happy New, New Year!! Again!
I'm ready to kick-off the new year and see where it leads me...from new opportunities with the book, meeting new people and hearing their stories, to putting a priority on the current lack of a love life (yes, yes, those who know me best are cheering right now), to trying new things every week/every month to broaden my knowledge/view/scope on life. The time is now! It's the present, current moment to seize and make new, make mine, and serve others. It's the promise of a new year!
So, if the 'new year' excitement has worn off for you already...let this be a relaunch, a call to arms (so-to-speak), and a restart to your new year and mine!! Blessings to you in THIS new year!!!
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Accepting Yourself for Who You Are
Ladies, we ARE enough...imperfect, flawed and beautiful. We all spend so much time tearing each other down or comparing ourselves to others, which basically says to ourselves that we're not good enough, we're not like everyone else, we're not perfect. And, honestly...that's absolutely OK! It's what makes each of us unique and special and why we all have something to contribute to this world. We are all different!
That's a good thing! Not a bad thing that we've all been conditioned to believe. How and when was the first time you didn't feel worthy or enough for someone...or different? How has that shaped your perceptions, decisions, and outlook on life? It's all interwoven in each one of us...those insecurities, those deep scars that conjure up pain and sadness, and those personal disappointments that seem to mount up upon our shoulders over time. Why do we beat ourselves up? Why do we put ourselves down? Why do we speak to ourselves (in our heads) so harshly when we would never say those things to other people out loud?
We need to have more compassion for ourselves. We need to let ourselves off the hook more often when it's truly just a small thing. Ask yourself if whatever it is that is stressing you out and causing you anxiety will matter in another day, a week, a month or even a year later. If not, let it slide off your shoulders, breathe and focus your energy on something that really matters. Instead of picking ourselves a part or even other people, why can't we lift up and support each other's differences and special qualities? We all have them, so why can't we start a movement that shines a light on our differences as a GOOD thing! Lets change our mindsets and not be so critical of everyone else and ourselves. We need a kindness movement full of compassion (for ourselves and others) and full of respect for another human being.
It's a tiny shift that we can all consciously try to make...one day at a time, one person at a time. It just takes one person to make a difference! At least give it a try...even if it's saying one kind word to yourself when you might normally criticize yourself. Instead of thinking to yourself "you're an idiot for doing that" or "you just made a fool of yourself"...say, "I'm proud of myself for trying and putting myself out there" or "you only live once so make it count." Make that paradigm shift in your mind and you'll see things in a whole new light! Continued blessings to you this week!
Note: I addressed this primarily to ladies because we're more prone to pick each other and ourselves a part, but I know there are men out there that do the same things. So, I'm not discounting you haven't experienced the same thing. You're definitely included, as well. We're all in the same boat from time to time and we can all paddle a different direction with the right outlook.
That's a good thing! Not a bad thing that we've all been conditioned to believe. How and when was the first time you didn't feel worthy or enough for someone...or different? How has that shaped your perceptions, decisions, and outlook on life? It's all interwoven in each one of us...those insecurities, those deep scars that conjure up pain and sadness, and those personal disappointments that seem to mount up upon our shoulders over time. Why do we beat ourselves up? Why do we put ourselves down? Why do we speak to ourselves (in our heads) so harshly when we would never say those things to other people out loud?
We need to have more compassion for ourselves. We need to let ourselves off the hook more often when it's truly just a small thing. Ask yourself if whatever it is that is stressing you out and causing you anxiety will matter in another day, a week, a month or even a year later. If not, let it slide off your shoulders, breathe and focus your energy on something that really matters. Instead of picking ourselves a part or even other people, why can't we lift up and support each other's differences and special qualities? We all have them, so why can't we start a movement that shines a light on our differences as a GOOD thing! Lets change our mindsets and not be so critical of everyone else and ourselves. We need a kindness movement full of compassion (for ourselves and others) and full of respect for another human being.
It's a tiny shift that we can all consciously try to make...one day at a time, one person at a time. It just takes one person to make a difference! At least give it a try...even if it's saying one kind word to yourself when you might normally criticize yourself. Instead of thinking to yourself "you're an idiot for doing that" or "you just made a fool of yourself"...say, "I'm proud of myself for trying and putting myself out there" or "you only live once so make it count." Make that paradigm shift in your mind and you'll see things in a whole new light! Continued blessings to you this week!
Note: I addressed this primarily to ladies because we're more prone to pick each other and ourselves a part, but I know there are men out there that do the same things. So, I'm not discounting you haven't experienced the same thing. You're definitely included, as well. We're all in the same boat from time to time and we can all paddle a different direction with the right outlook.
Monday, January 20, 2014
Need a Jumpstart
Sorry I missed my regular posting day yesterday (for those that are loyal followers). It just slipped my mind. So much has gone on in these first few weeks of the new year...all unexpected and unplanned. But, as my last post mentioned...time marches on no matter what is going on in our lives...good or bad.
Right now, I need a jump start back into 'book seller' mode! There's SO much I need to do and get done! The holidays were a brief break from it all, as sales slowed down. It's understandable, but the break is over and it's time to get back in the game! If only I had all the 'time' in the world to get it all done! Isn't that an issue we all face from time to time?! But, it's time to get crackin' on my book to-do list and start ramping up the advertising, promotions and book signings.
So, here's my first to-do and YOU can help! If you're reading my blog now, have been following me since the beginning or just started following me please visit my site, www.kimfenneman.com and ORDER your copy of Corn-fed with Rice on the Side today! Even if you aren't adopted or have an adopted member of your family, perhaps you know someone that is adopted or has adopted a child or maybe you just want to gain a greater understanding of what adoption looks like in real life. It's a really easy read and hopefully you'll find the humor in many of my stories. If you have already purchased and read my book, bless you! Thank you for your support!! Please spread the word to all your family and friends and share my website URL to them.
Check! Thanks for continuing to follow my journey and please spread the word! Corn-fed with Rice on the Side is a light-hearted and humorous look into every day life as a Korean adoptee. I hope you enjoy the view! Blessings to you this week!
Right now, I need a jump start back into 'book seller' mode! There's SO much I need to do and get done! The holidays were a brief break from it all, as sales slowed down. It's understandable, but the break is over and it's time to get back in the game! If only I had all the 'time' in the world to get it all done! Isn't that an issue we all face from time to time?! But, it's time to get crackin' on my book to-do list and start ramping up the advertising, promotions and book signings.
So, here's my first to-do and YOU can help! If you're reading my blog now, have been following me since the beginning or just started following me please visit my site, www.kimfenneman.com and ORDER your copy of Corn-fed with Rice on the Side today! Even if you aren't adopted or have an adopted member of your family, perhaps you know someone that is adopted or has adopted a child or maybe you just want to gain a greater understanding of what adoption looks like in real life. It's a really easy read and hopefully you'll find the humor in many of my stories. If you have already purchased and read my book, bless you! Thank you for your support!! Please spread the word to all your family and friends and share my website URL to them.
Check! Thanks for continuing to follow my journey and please spread the word! Corn-fed with Rice on the Side is a light-hearted and humorous look into every day life as a Korean adoptee. I hope you enjoy the view! Blessings to you this week!
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Time...Not Enough, Too Much
Some days it seems like you don't have enough time in the day to "get it all done" and other times it feels like time is dragging on. Being busy is good, as long as it's not the over scheduled/trying to do too much kind...it keeps you active, involved and hopefully it's the kind of busy that is improving your life or helping others. And then there are days where time seems to be standing still...it can't move fast enough.
I remember a brief conversation I had with a complete stranger one day in the elevator at my office building. As I got in he greeted me and asked how I was doing. I said, "I wish it were Friday." His memorable statement was "You're wishing your life away." He didn't say it in a mean or stern way, just opening my eyes to a different perspective...shifting my outlook on my situation. It was a profound statement that I completely appreciated then...and now.
Time is that all encompassing thing...we've all heard these before: Time heals all. It's all in the timing. The timing isn't right. Give it time. It's the perfect time! I timed it just right!
Our lives are based on the right or imperfect timing, memories of the past and always looking towards the future. It's all about time...the memorable times in our lives, the tragedies, the accomplishments, all the different stages/phases of our lives...there's a time for everything. Some days you want it to speed up and other days you wish it would never end. It's the journey of all our lives...time keeps on tickin!
So, however this year has started out for you and whatever plans you have for the future...may you take a moment to "see" where you are right now and just breathe. Take the time to just "be"...be you, be in the moment, be true to yourself. Blessings to you this week!
I remember a brief conversation I had with a complete stranger one day in the elevator at my office building. As I got in he greeted me and asked how I was doing. I said, "I wish it were Friday." His memorable statement was "You're wishing your life away." He didn't say it in a mean or stern way, just opening my eyes to a different perspective...shifting my outlook on my situation. It was a profound statement that I completely appreciated then...and now.
Time is that all encompassing thing...we've all heard these before: Time heals all. It's all in the timing. The timing isn't right. Give it time. It's the perfect time! I timed it just right!
Our lives are based on the right or imperfect timing, memories of the past and always looking towards the future. It's all about time...the memorable times in our lives, the tragedies, the accomplishments, all the different stages/phases of our lives...there's a time for everything. Some days you want it to speed up and other days you wish it would never end. It's the journey of all our lives...time keeps on tickin!
So, however this year has started out for you and whatever plans you have for the future...may you take a moment to "see" where you are right now and just breathe. Take the time to just "be"...be you, be in the moment, be true to yourself. Blessings to you this week!
Sunday, January 12, 2014
A Window In...
One of my last Book Signings in 2013 was at my church right before Thanksgiving. One of the parishioners who stopped by to buy my book was a Korean woman who normally sat next to me at the mid-morning service on Sunday mornings. I've briefly written about them (she and her husband) before...how they sit next to me every Sunday, how we greet each other, but that's it...no other conversations made. And, how I've wondered how they ended up at my Christian church vs. a local Korean church. I was under the impression that most older Koreans were highly traditional and would only worship at a Korean church as they were raised and accustomed to, but in this case I was wrong and perplexed. But, every Sunday we'd sit there, say "hi" and that was it.
Until one Sunday as they passed by me to take their seats the woman asked me if I was Korean. I said yes. And again, that was it. No other questions, comments or conversation. Ok, then....
So, when she came up to our table to buy a book she looked at me and said "Oh, it's you!" and smiled. It was the first time we had an actual conversation as her seemingly very traditional Korean husband stood several feet away observing our interaction.
Last week was the first Sunday I've seen the Korean woman since she bought my book, so as she passed by me she smiled, said hello and told me she had read my book. That was it. I definitely had been curious to know what she (and even her husband, if he actually read the book) thought of it...thought of me after reading it. So, I couldn't let that be it! All throughout the service I was curious and anxious to ask her more. So, after the service ended, I walked down by her and asked if she had grown up in a traditional Korean environment. She said yes. Then, I asked her what she thought about the book. As she was speaking she was looking down, so I couldn't quite hear everything she said, but she did say that two of her nieces are adopted. She said she enjoyed the book and it made her think about things differently. She was very pleasant as she spoke and smiled the whole time, but it wasn't the in-depth analysis I was hoping for. I wanted to know what she 'really' thought of it and what traditionally raised Koreans would think of it. Would they understand where I'm coming from and appreciate it or dismiss even the thought of reading a book like this. I wanted some insight, some real scoop inside the culture and perspective from a traditionally raised Korean. Maybe that was just a precursor to a broader conversation in the future? I'm not holding my breath.
But, I'm excited she had interest in it...in me...and read it! I truly hope it does provide a greater understanding for non-adopted Koreans and they're able to see adopted Koreans in a better light. If it just opens a window into what real life is like for an adoptee than I've accomplished what I had set out to do in the first place. Now, I just need someone to crack the window so I can understand the other side a little better, too.
Until one Sunday as they passed by me to take their seats the woman asked me if I was Korean. I said yes. And again, that was it. No other questions, comments or conversation. Ok, then....
So, when she came up to our table to buy a book she looked at me and said "Oh, it's you!" and smiled. It was the first time we had an actual conversation as her seemingly very traditional Korean husband stood several feet away observing our interaction.
Last week was the first Sunday I've seen the Korean woman since she bought my book, so as she passed by me she smiled, said hello and told me she had read my book. That was it. I definitely had been curious to know what she (and even her husband, if he actually read the book) thought of it...thought of me after reading it. So, I couldn't let that be it! All throughout the service I was curious and anxious to ask her more. So, after the service ended, I walked down by her and asked if she had grown up in a traditional Korean environment. She said yes. Then, I asked her what she thought about the book. As she was speaking she was looking down, so I couldn't quite hear everything she said, but she did say that two of her nieces are adopted. She said she enjoyed the book and it made her think about things differently. She was very pleasant as she spoke and smiled the whole time, but it wasn't the in-depth analysis I was hoping for. I wanted to know what she 'really' thought of it and what traditionally raised Koreans would think of it. Would they understand where I'm coming from and appreciate it or dismiss even the thought of reading a book like this. I wanted some insight, some real scoop inside the culture and perspective from a traditionally raised Korean. Maybe that was just a precursor to a broader conversation in the future? I'm not holding my breath.
But, I'm excited she had interest in it...in me...and read it! I truly hope it does provide a greater understanding for non-adopted Koreans and they're able to see adopted Koreans in a better light. If it just opens a window into what real life is like for an adoptee than I've accomplished what I had set out to do in the first place. Now, I just need someone to crack the window so I can understand the other side a little better, too.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Finding Stable Ground...
The new year has been a little rocky for my family and I, but we're just taking it day by day..."and this too shall pass." It's a new year, but I'm already mentally and emotionally exhausted...which has made me physically exhausted these past few days. I think it's just all catching up to me now. When things happen you're just in "go" mode...reacting. But, as time goes on, things settle in and the worry persists it takes its toll. I'm just hoping my parents are finding some calm and peace to give them strength and comfort. And, of course God's grace!
One day at a time! Yes, I used to watch a 70's TV show with that title, but it's also something we all have to do from time to time...just to get through whatever we're currently facing in our lives...or just to keep our sanity! Sometimes it's an hour by hour thing or minute to minute thing. Whatever life throws at us we have to find ways to digest it or process it so we can just get through the day.
I'm ready for the fog to lift in all the situations going on right now, but I'm also extremely blessed for all the good things in my life. I don't want to lose sight of all the good even in the midst of many difficult situations. It's the light of hope that always shines to lead the way! Faith! I want to be more present in each and every day and even though the present doesn't feel that great right now, it's about feeling those feelings...owning them, understanding them, growing closer to God through trust and prayer, and working through it all. The 'little' tests of life that reflect a lesson that needed to be learned and that pushes us (hopefully) closer to God and his bounty for our lives. So, may you find those blessings even in the midst of pain, heartache, illness, tragedy and challenges in your life.
Sunday, January 5, 2014
A Jolt into the New Year
Every new year we all spend a moment or two assessing our lives...how the last year went, what we want out of the new year, making new (or sometimes the same) goals for the coming year...it's a short period of evaluation of our lives. Sometimes those questions get asked a little louder...specifically when a tragedy or health scare arises. That's how my family was jolted into the new year - with a health scare from one of my aunt's. She had a massive heart attack on the 2nd.
Scary. Uncontrollable. Worried. Anxious. Stressed. That's how we've rung in the new year. It's not just this one incident that has our family stressed out and anxiety-ridden to start this new year, but numerous life-altering, unexpected incidents one after another after another. This might be the 4th or 5th one, I'm losing track. But, it's been a lot and a heavy burden especially for my parents. I worry about them and their health, but they have been pillars of strength, perseverance and hope for us all. We (all my siblings and I) lean on my parents for a lot (too numerous to list) but I think I worry about them the most. Their health and how they are dealing with all this turmoil in our lives. Life has definitely dealt us a lot in the past several months, but its shown me how strong we really are and how we rally around one another. That's what families do!
We will endure and overcome through God's grace and be stronger as a family, but also (I hope) in our faith in God's love for each one of us. We all go through our ups in downs in life and right now we're trekking through one of those rough 'valley' terrains. There is always goodness in our lives to focus on, as well, and blessings that shine through each and every day. So, we'll be focusing on those blessings to carry us through and back to higher ground. Each new day we are able (if willing) to write our own story...not just through the daily grind of our lives, but through our actions, our service to others and our ability to change our lives for the better. It's our small way of making a difference, changing the world (around us) and leaving our mark on this earth. What will you be jolted into in 2014?!
Scary. Uncontrollable. Worried. Anxious. Stressed. That's how we've rung in the new year. It's not just this one incident that has our family stressed out and anxiety-ridden to start this new year, but numerous life-altering, unexpected incidents one after another after another. This might be the 4th or 5th one, I'm losing track. But, it's been a lot and a heavy burden especially for my parents. I worry about them and their health, but they have been pillars of strength, perseverance and hope for us all. We (all my siblings and I) lean on my parents for a lot (too numerous to list) but I think I worry about them the most. Their health and how they are dealing with all this turmoil in our lives. Life has definitely dealt us a lot in the past several months, but its shown me how strong we really are and how we rally around one another. That's what families do!
We will endure and overcome through God's grace and be stronger as a family, but also (I hope) in our faith in God's love for each one of us. We all go through our ups in downs in life and right now we're trekking through one of those rough 'valley' terrains. There is always goodness in our lives to focus on, as well, and blessings that shine through each and every day. So, we'll be focusing on those blessings to carry us through and back to higher ground. Each new day we are able (if willing) to write our own story...not just through the daily grind of our lives, but through our actions, our service to others and our ability to change our lives for the better. It's our small way of making a difference, changing the world (around us) and leaving our mark on this earth. What will you be jolted into in 2014?!
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Happy New Year!!
Happy 2014!!! I hope you rang in the new year safely, happily and in good health! It's that time of year when we've put away all our Christmas decorations and our houses somehow look empty and bare, and when we feel energized (if only for a day) to tackle a new year ahead with commitment (to our resolutions made) and vigor that life is full of unlimited possibilities. Oh what a refreshing feeling!
And then Monday comes and we're all back to work in the grind of our daily lives and we think nothing has changed. Sound familiar? That's life! But, change does happen...some we create for ourselves and some that we have no control over...and it's the latter that usually hangs us up in life. I don't make resolutions, but I'm fairly reflective throughout the year, especially during this time of year, so I'm always trying to set things right in my world, prioritizing what's most important and making changes that will improve my life for the better. It's a constant cycle, but again that's life and we've only got one imperfect shot at it!
So, with 363 days left in 2014...I hope to fill my days with joy, laughter, new experiences, new challenges, love, service to others, and sharing my story through my book to those open to hear it! I wish you the same and hope you know we all have a unique and valuable story to share! So, enjoy each and every day of the coming year and let your light shine through your story!!
And then Monday comes and we're all back to work in the grind of our daily lives and we think nothing has changed. Sound familiar? That's life! But, change does happen...some we create for ourselves and some that we have no control over...and it's the latter that usually hangs us up in life. I don't make resolutions, but I'm fairly reflective throughout the year, especially during this time of year, so I'm always trying to set things right in my world, prioritizing what's most important and making changes that will improve my life for the better. It's a constant cycle, but again that's life and we've only got one imperfect shot at it!
So, with 363 days left in 2014...I hope to fill my days with joy, laughter, new experiences, new challenges, love, service to others, and sharing my story through my book to those open to hear it! I wish you the same and hope you know we all have a unique and valuable story to share! So, enjoy each and every day of the coming year and let your light shine through your story!!
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